In a recent conversation with a colleague, she asked me a thought-provoking question: “What’s your ideal client for your business exit advisory practice?” My response was simple, perhaps overly so: I don’t work with a**holes. She laughed and said, “I’m glad you said it so straightforward, I appreciate your transparency.” That moment got me thinking about how certain types of people—the ones who make your professional life unnecessarily difficult—seem to pop up no matter the industry you are in.
And then it hit me: Remember how we learned vowels as kids? A, E, I, O, U. Well, in my world, those vowels stand for something else entirely:
- A – A**hole
- E – Egomaniac
- I – Is (the obvious irritant)
- O – Obviously
- U – You (the person you are dealing with)
This different kind of vowel system defines the types of people you’re better off avoiding in your personal and professional life. Let me share a story about one of the most memorable “vowels” I’ve ever encountered in my career.
Meeting the Ultimate Vowel – Several years ago, I was overseeing multiple complex projects within a large organization that required regular updates to senior executives. One executive, in particular, had a reputation: nobody wanted to work with him. His behavior was rude, dismissive, and downright demeaning. But he was also in a powerful position, so avoiding him wasn’t an option.
During a critical meeting, which we spent several hours preparing for, a colleague and I sat across from him at a conference table. Behind him was a glass wall overlooking a busy walkway. As we started the presentation, he swiveled his chair around to face the glass and said, “Go on.”
Yes, he made us present to the back of his head. I am not kidding—it was weird.
To make matters worse, he spent the entire meeting waving at colleagues who passed by, ignoring everything we said. It was one of the most surreal professional experiences I’ve ever had. When we left the room, my colleague turned to me and said, “That was the most vowel thing I’ve ever seen.”
He was right. That senior leader was a textbook A-E-I-O-U person.
So, How Do You Handle Vowels? You’re going to encounter vowels in your life and career. It’s inevitable. The key is learning how to navigate them without letting them dominate your energy or derail your goals. Here are three strategies I’ve developed over the years:
1 – Own Your Role in the Situation – The first and most important question to ask yourself is: How did I end up working with this person in the first place?
Whether you hired them, partnered with them, or agreed to work for them, there’s usually a moment of decision where due diligence—or lack of it—comes into play. A seasoned executive once told me, “You have to own this part of the process. It’s not always easy, but accountability starts with you.”
This doesn’t mean you can predict every vowel encounter. But if you’re hiring someone, check their references. If you’re considering a partnership, look into their reputation. And if you’re joining an organization, talk to people who’ve worked there to understand the culture.
When vowels slip through the cracks, it’s often because we didn’t ask the right questions upfront.
2 – Accept That You Can’t Change Them – One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking they can “fix” a vowel. It’s like dating the proverbial rebel, convinced you can tame them—spoiler alert: you can’t.
Change only happens when a person is willing to change, and vowels rarely see themselves as the problem. They think their behavior is justified, or worse, a strength.
Instead of trying to change them, focus on setting boundaries. If you’re in a position of authority, be clear about expectations. My approach is a simple three-strikes rule:
- Give direct feedback when the issue first arises.
- Address the behavior again if it continues, outlining the consequences.
- If the behavior persists, it’s time to part ways.
Every time I’ve had to let someone go under this policy, my team has come to me afterward to thank me for making the decision. Why? Because vowels disrupt morale and productivity for everyone around them.
3 – Don’t Feed the Vowels – Vowels thrive on conflict and control. They want to dominate conversations, intimidate others, and assert their power. Feeding into their behavior—arguing with them, giving them undue attention, or letting them derail your focus—only strengthens their position.
A brilliant example of this came from a prominent sports sideline reporter. She shared her go-to response when confronted with a vowel:
“I’m sure your mother would be proud of you.”
It’s the perfect comeback—polite, disarming, and a conversation stopper. No matter how much a vowel pushes, don’t give them the satisfaction of reacting emotionally. Stay calm, professional, and focused on your goals.
Final Thoughts – Encountering vowels is an inevitable part of life, but how you handle them can make all the difference.
- Own the situation. Do your homework to minimize the chance of working with vowels, but when they slip through the cracks, take accountability for addressing the problem.
- Know their limits (and yours). You can’t change a vowel. Recognize that fact and focus on what you can control.
- Don’t feed them. Starve them of the conflict they crave and move forward with your work.
The next time you find yourself dealing with an A-E-I-O-U type, remember: they’re just another vowel in the alphabet of life. Handle them strategically, and you’ll come out ahead every time.
See you next week,
Brent, your Rivr Guide
