I was deep into a long hike the other day—ten miles in, coming down a hill, legs a little wobbly, mind mostly on what snack I was going to eat when I got back home. As I rounded a bend, I saw a man heading up the hill toward me. He was probably in his late seventies, moving steadily with two walking sticks, each step placed with purpose.
As is my usual trail etiquette, I gave him a nod and asked, “How are you doing today?”
He smiled and said, “I’m doing well.” Then, without breaking stride, he added, “And if I’m not doing well, it’s my fault.”
I stopped in my tracks.
I turned as he passed and said, “I love that.”
He kept walking. I kept walking. But that one line stuck with me like a pebble in my shoe—not uncomfortable, just persistent. And the more I turned it over in my head, the more I realized what a gift he had just handed me.
Extreme Ownership—With a Smile
“If I’m not doing well, it’s my fault.” That’s not something we hear every day. We’re more accustomed to hearing about the reasons why we’re not doing well. The stress. The job. The relationship. The lack of sleep. The weather. The economy. The politics. The bad luck.
And hey—those things are real. Life throws a lot at us. But this man’s simple comment wasn’t about denying that. It was about choosing ownership over blame.
Ownership doesn’t mean guilt or shame—it’s not about beating ourselves up for struggling. It’s about the quiet courage to say: “I have a role in how I’m doing. And I can change it.”
When It Comes to Health, Patterns Matter
For me, this really shows up in my health. I’m one of those people who tracks how often I get sick, and lately? It doesn’t happen much. But when it does, I can usually trace it back to something—too much stress, too little sleep, maybe a string of days where I pushed too hard without giving myself a break.
That doesn’t mean I can prevent every cold or dodge every flu season, but it does mean I’ve learned to pay attention to the patterns. And more importantly, I’ve learned to ask: What can I do differently next time?
The same goes for physical fitness. If I’m feeling sluggish or off, it’s usually not a mystery. Did I move my body this week? Did I exercise? Did I get outside? If not, well—there’s my answer.
Relationships: The Hard Mirrors
This mindset applies to relationships, too. There’ve been times when I’ve found myself stuck in relationships—personal or professional—that just weren’t working. And sure, it’s easy to point fingers, to say “they’re the problem.” But when I pause and ask, “What am I doing to change this?”—that’s where things start to shift.
Sometimes it means having a hard conversation. Sometimes it means setting better boundaries. And sometimes, it means walking away. None of that is easy. But it’s empowering. Because staying stuck is also a choice. And I’ve made that choice before. But I’ve also made the choice to move forward.
Mental Health Starts with Awareness
Then there’s mental health—which, for me, is closely tied to sleep, rest, and just giving myself space. If I notice I’m not doing well mentally, my first question is: Have I been taking care of myself? Am I getting enough rest? Have I paused recently, or am I just grinding through?
We often think of mental health as something that happens to us—but just like physical health, it’s something we can nurture, tend to, and protect. That doesn’t mean it’s always in our control—but it means we’re not powerless, either.
So… How Are You Doing Today?
That man on the trail didn’t know he was delivering a mic-drop moment. He was just answering a question with his truth. And in doing so, he gave me—and now maybe you—a little nudge to reflect.
How are you doing today?
Not just in the polite, automatic sense. But really—how are you doing?
And if the answer is “not great,” then what part of that might be in your hands? Not all of it. But maybe a piece of it. A small shift. A conversation. A walk. A nap. A boundary. A breath.
Sometimes it’s not about fixing everything. It’s about owning where we are and taking one step—like that man with his walking sticks—toward where we want to go.
Thanks, trail stranger, for the reminder.
See you next week,
Brent, your Rivr Guide
